I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
