is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
