remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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