The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
