if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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