So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
