I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
