Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
