I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
