Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
