He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
