New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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