She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
