This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
