I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
