So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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