Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i drank out of a bidet.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We talked him into tasing himself.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
