She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you inspire me to be a worse person
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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