Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
