The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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