I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
