why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
