thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
