I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
