Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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