you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
