This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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