she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
