The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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