So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
