these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
