Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
