No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
