Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
