I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
MIDGETS
????
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
