i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
