I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
