Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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