yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
