9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
