So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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