it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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