Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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