Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is the high leading the old right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
