if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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