My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
