I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
