Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
