I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
