Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
