sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
