You really coming over, don't trick.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
