so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
