i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
