By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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